Do you have marble jar friends?
The purpose of school is to create an engaging learning environment where relationships matter. It is through the building of relationships that creates a culture where students feel valued, comfortable and want to do their personal best. An essential component of meaningful relationships is the development of trust which is built in the smallest of moments.
Brene Brown, a research professor who has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, tells the story of marble jar friends. The analogy came up when her daughter had an embarrassing moment at school and questioned who her friends were. Brene, talked with her about which friends have done small things to fill up the marble jar so that she knew she could trust them. Her daughter told her some examples of small things friends had done that made her feel safe, comforted, that someone has your back.
It is not easy teaching our children to be with friends who ‘have your back’. It comes with experience that you connect with friends who you can be yourself with, who accept you for who you are, and you don’t have to act or speak differently.
Recently, it could be due to the students being away from school during the ‘online learning’ stage, there have been a few conversations about choosing friends who make you feel safe and comfortable with. We talked about being friendly to all classmates but make the choice to be with those who ‘have filled your marble jar’/those who have built your trust over time.
Our Prep and Year 1 classes use the ‘bucket filler’ principle to help others feel important and valued. If someone shares, listens, be kind, take turns, smiles, helps, is polite, compliments and is inclusive to the classmate a token is put into their bucket. This works towards an environment where relationships matter.
As parents and educators, it is so important to pick up on moments to share the wisdom of friendship and that if the friendship does not come naturally then it is most likely not your tribe. It is also important to choose friends based on your own values so you can be true to yourself. When chatting with students about friendships I often refer to families choosing St Peters for their children not just because of education but because of the values they want for their children that comes from home and school.
Being good role models in trusting relationships is important for our young children to see. Children see this as we work in our school home partnerships each and every day as we work together to achieve success for each student in our school.
Trust is a word that is made real by actions.
Debbie West-Mcinnes
Head of Primary
